PUT THE BOWL DOWN, CHOW YUN FAT...PLEASE!

Has anyone seen Chow Yun Fat lately?

For those of you who are not familiar with Chow Yun Fat, he is considered by most to be one of the greatest action stars to explode out of the Hong Kong film industry. In the 90's, Yun Fat and his partner, director John Woo, created such classics as A Better Tomorrow, The Killer, and Hard Boiled. The impact of these movies gave then a first class ticket to the West where they got lost in the Hollywood hustle and haven't collaborated since.

A month ago, while reading the Chinese newspaper (The World Journal), I came across the picture of Chow Yun Fat and showed it to my hubby. The well-fed, plump, Mr. Chow sported a basketball cap and grinned happily at the paparazzi in the photo. J was horrified.

“Is this …?” He scrambled to put on his black plastic rimmed glasses which made him look like a black Clark Kent.

“This can’t be the Chow Yun Fat! This dude is FAAAT!”

He took out a magnifying glass and studied the photo again like a cautious detective. The article described Chow Yun Fat’s current project “Curse of the Golden Flower” with director Zhang Yimou and his future plan in John Woo’s much anticipated war epic “Battle of the Red Cliff”. When J heard about the news of the two of his heroes from the East teaming up again after so many years, he was as thrilled as a child waiting to open his gift on Christmas morning. But seeing this photo shattered his world.

“Isn’t it time for Chow Yun Fat to have just one bowl of noodle soup instead of two?” He sounded desperate. "You're an action hero...Lose some weight!"

“It says here that Zhang Yimou had made extra efforts to pamper his star stubbed cast by hiring five chefs for this film’s craft service. One of the chefs even specializes in the Northern Chinese cuisines (think of more flour based delicacies: buns, noodles, and less of rice and soup) to suit Mr. Zhang’s taste. Considering most of Asian film sets provide only generic lunch boxes (sans chairs) to the actors, this film sure is blowing a lot of money on food,” I read to J.

“However, during lunch break of the first day of shooting, Chow Yun Fat was spotted by the paparazzi dining at a famed Beijing restaurant nearby with his manager. The two ordered seven dishes and Mr. Chow consumed them heartily. When Chow Yun Fat discovered the paparazzi, he waved to them warmly, while his manager hurried Yun Fat on to avoid more pictures of him eating being taken.” I finished the article and glanced up at J. His face looked ghostly.

“This could be the last time Yun Fat and Woo collaborate!” He muttered anxiously, somewhat in shock.

“Doesn’t Chow Yun Fat want his last hero image on screen to be great?!” J examined the photo again and sunk down to sigh loudly.

“PUT THE BOWL DOWN, YUN FAT!” J cried with such vigor and despair that even I was startled. I rubbed his head and poured him a glass of orange soda to calm him down. “Honey, high blood pressure.” He gulped the drink with an empty stare. “Why can’t people just be cool…” He mumbled indiscreetly.

I looked at the picture again. HUM, I WONDER WHAT THEY ORDERED?